October's book was House Rules by Jodi Picoult. To quote the Amazon book description:
Jacob Hunt is a teenage boy with Asperger's syndrome. He's hopeless at reading social cues or expressing himself to others, and like many children with Asperger's, Jacob has an obsessive focus on one subject - in his case, forensic analysis. He's always showing up at crime scenes, thanks to the police scanner he keeps in his room, and telling the cops what they need to do - and he's usually right. But then one day his tutor is found dead, and the police come to question him. Reluctance to make eye contact, stimulatory tics and twitches, inappropriate gestures, all these can look a lot like guilt. Suddenly, Jacob finds himself accused of murder.
House Rules looks at what it means to be different in our society, and at the extremes of love and loyalty a family must call upon to help each other overcome impossible circumstances.
Amazon does such a great job of summarizing the book, how could I compete?
Jacob was prone to literal interpretations. If you told him to go "jump in a lake" he'd look for one. When questioned about the murder he answered the question ask, but left off qualifying details. When the detective asks if he moved the body he said, "yes." The detective never asked, "was she dead when you arrived" so Jacob never mentioned that the victim was. This worked for purposes of the story, but I thought if I'd been there I would have asked the obvious question - did you kill her?
For a murder mystery I gave it a "C." But that's not really what the book was about. It was about a family with an Apserger's Syndrome member.
One mother in the group has a child with Asperger's. Her experiences were dead-on with the characters in the book. With endless help some children can learn social cues, but the going is slow. Normal children can generalize social cues, recognizing variations and seeing them in different situations. Jacob could learn them, but each instance required conscious effort to recognize. I had relatively normal children and it was an effort to shape their social behavior into acceptability; the task of the parent of an Asperger's child must seem endless.
Later in the week while reading a favorite blog I had occasion to consider literal interpretations, and the dangers of assuming that everybody thinks the way that you do.
The blogger, highlighted a dainty necklace with the initials "STFU" on a chain. I'm not going to spell out the acronym here. You can google "STFU" to see what it stands for.
A discussion followed as to whether other readers cared for this kind of statement. I found myself imaging what it would be like to have such a necklace on and to have someone ask me what it meant and how I would feel telling a co-worker, supervisor, or the lady who struck up a conversation with in the grocery-store what the abbreviation stands for.
Some commenter's weren't offended by profanity. Others characterized those who were offended or disapproving as intolerant or unforgiving. A couple of comments mentioning the jewelry as a private joke.
I'm not sure I'd characterize those who don't find humor in profanity as grim and intolerant, but I accept that in the course of a day one in social society one will run into someone who doesn't find humor in profanity. Even in liberal Maryland a person will encounter people with different beliefs and backgrounds.
When I return home from a weekend run in my shorts and tank top and run into my Conversative Jewish neighbors walking to the synagoge, legs, arms and heads covered on a hot day I wonder what goes through their minds about me. Hopefully it's just, if I had thighs like that I wouldn't wear shorts that short and not, she's a whore with that shameless display I should pick up a stone and throw it at her if I see that again on a not-Sabbath day. I don't consider shorts profane and won't be changing my wardrobe on the fear that someone else will. So why do I draw the line at a STFU necklace? Is it any different from my shorts and the neighbors?
In House Rules it came to light that Jacob had been sent to the principals' office in school for angering a particular teacher. The school counselor recounted the incident to the detective. Jacob told her that the teacher had smiled when he'd said the things that annoyed him to the point of kicking him out of the classroom. The teacher, talking to the detective, mentioned that the teacher in question had a habit of smirking when he was mad or annoyed, and she wasn't surprised that Jacob missed that social cue and continued to annoy him.
People don't have to have Asperger's Syndrome to interpret social cues differently. We often process our impressions of others in a flash. Another book mentioned on this blog, "Thinking Fast and Slow" pointed out that fast thinking is responsible for most of our daily thinking.
When I run into the Horwitz's on the way to synagoge our beliefs are public. They're covered up, walking to worship. I'm on display, tomorrow I'll drive to worship while they're heading off the JCC basketball. No concealed lifestyles in this encounter. When we first moved into this neighborhood that wasn't the case, but it quickly became obvious that the walking covered-up had a different lifestyle. No problem, they kept their grass mowed.
To me the statement necklace is a concealed weapon. Should I assume the wearer isn't Christian? Are they suggesting that no communications from me are desired? Should I not not mention that the cashier has closed this line after my order and unloading the cart is a waste of time? The message on the necklace is the smirk while getting angry - a sublty not everyone will catch.
I don't feel like I'm being purtianical to not find humor in profane fashion statements. I want my personal brand to be perceived as open, reasonable, athletic and yes, Christian. That doesn't include symbols on my person that say, in a rude way, be quiet what you're saying isn't worthy. Asperger's Syndrome individuals may represent an extreme on the social cue processing curve, but the rest of us fall someplace on the curve too. Who can tell where the next person you run into is going to fall?
Thinking about the issue has brought me around to why for some people this kind of symbol may not be what it seems. So, if I run into STFU at Target, I will take a risk and mention that this line is closed after me. If you really didn't want to hear it just smirk. I think I'm practicing good manners, sorry if you disagree.
House Rule: No statement jewlery for me.
